i wanted a perfect ending. now i've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, it's about taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

i'm scared. because i feel it, in my veins. inside of me. a dark passenger in my body that manifests itself in bruises and swollen glands. it tries to destroy me once in a while and then it submerges itself, for a week, a month, a year, 5 years. for a while it lies dormant and forgotten, beneath the surface like a well of burning lava, waiting for the next seismic crush to smash through the surface and envelop my world in the next natural disaster.

i feel like hiroshima - the morning after, bathed in the cold nuclear light. my malignant mind stunned by the realisation that there can be no doing back. the future will always be a melee of distorted dna and congential pain.

i cannot take it back.
i cannot undo the dots.
i will always be the fall out.
i will always be the nuclear bomb that went off.
i will always be remembered.