1. the first time i tried to kill myself i was 5. i drank a bottle of bleach straight from the cupboard under the sink. it burned, that's all i remember really, a burning pain..and my mum finding me vomiting bleach and blood from my stomach and taking me to hospital. i was too young to know what i was doing, but even then i wanted to die.
2. finding dave dead in bed with a gun. putting the gun to my head and pulling the trigger - no bullets. you fucker.
3. starving myself, ending up on an IV drip in psych ward. refusing to eat. being force fed by my hopeless mother. vomiting it back up when she went away.
4. days later, eating the light bulb so the glass would cut my stomach and kill me from the inside. didn't work. i expect the glass is in me somewhere, never felt a thing.
5. 3 lines of cocaine, speed and a bottle of straight vodka. woke up the next day feeling like i'd been run over by a train, fucked someone i really shouldn't have fucked.
6. sleeping pills and paracetamol - stomach pumping, rather droll.
7. wrist slitting - the most recent; a week in psych ward, a diagnosis of bipolar, and packed off with pills and sent on my way.
8. haven't decided yet - no more half assed attempts. jumping from a building; running in front of a lorry; drowning; skydiving and not pulling the parachute. i'll think of something.
