i need to kill something in me, this awful feeling like worms tunneling along my nerves. when i discovered the razor blade, cutting, if you’ll believe me, was my gesture of hope. all the chaos, the sound and fury, the uncertainty and confusion and despair — all of it evaporated in an instant, and i was for that moment grounded, coherent, whole. here is the irreducible self. i drew the line in the sand, marked my body as mine, its flesh and its blood under my command.