you can feel it, descending further and further towards that primal rock bottom. the part that tells you to make yourself bleed or vomit. the impulses to kill. the impulse to do ANYTHING except feel the pain, the loneliness.
you push everyone away, which is ridiculous really, because its the time you need someone the most. but you're too scared to open up and show that brutal side. you're too scared of your thoughts, the impulses. and all you really want to do is just lie next to someone who loves you, and cry. but that option isn't open to you. because the sickness destroyed every meaningful relationship you've ever had. so there's no-one there. not one person on the fucking planet who understands.
and that's all you ever wanted. someone to care. someone to get it. someone not to run when you scare them. someone to hold you when you can't take being you anymore.
