its funny, because at the back of my mind i already knew the test results before they came back. i've felt it all before, the ache of my swollen glands, the bruising around my joints, the exhaustion, losing weight. so to say it's a surprise is a lie. 

i want to push back the layers of my skin, rip it apart, reach inside of me, and tear out the part that is destroying me.

i don't want to die.

the funny thing is, when i found out i might be sick again, there was only one person i wanted to give me a cuddle. and he can't. he never can :(