there is no sunshine anymore. No laughter to warm my heart, no hope to make me think tomorrow is worth waking up for. There's no manual that tells you how to operate from absolute zero. And that's all I am. Just a shell of a person where all the empty dreams are housed.

If I took my life tonight noone would remember me. But would it matter? It would be strangely beautiful to walk amongs the snow flakes under the darkness of starlight. It would be familiar to feel as cold outside as I am inside.

My head hurts, I can barely breathe from the choking tears that engulf me in soggy stiflingly floods. I'm spoilt, I know it, and I know I should pick myself up and carry on. But what if you've been doing that your whole life? And the pain never stops. Just when you find happiness, health, love, it goes away just as quickly.

I don't want to die, I just want to feel alive. And death is the only thing that feels like living for me. At least ill be a cadaver, more good would come of my death than my life, I'm sure of it.

Lets go for a walk in the snow at 2am and hope I never have to write in this cursed fucking thing again.

Goodbye.

P.s always..x