in a rabbit-fear i may hurl myself under the wheels of the car because the lights terrify me, and under the dark blind death of wheels i will be safe. i am very tired, very banal, very confused. i do not know who i am tonight. i wanted to walk until i drop and not complete the inevitable circle of coming home.

i thought about ending it but the skin of my wrist looked so white and defensless that i couldn't do it. it was as if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get.

i wonder why i don't go to bed and go to sleep. but then it would be tomorrow, so i decide that no matter how tired, no matter how incoherent i am, i can skip on hour more of sleep and live